Nyuma y’imyaka 12 yari amaze mu rushako, Mwiza Valeria yavuye ku izima amanika amaboko maze atandukana n’uwari umugabo we. Nubwo yabyariye abana babiri beza muri uru rushako nk’ikintu yishimira kurusha ibindi mu gihe yamaze yubatse, yicuza cyane kuba yarashatse umugabo wahoraga ahugiye mu bindi ariko akibagirwa urugo ku buryo igihe cyageze akareka no kuruhahira ngo aruhe ibirutunga.
Mwiza w’imyaka 40 ukora umwuga w’ibaruramari atuye i Kigali. Yibuka neza ko mu gihe cye cyo kubyara, umugabo we byasaga n’ibintu bitamuraje ishinga ku buryo nta ho amwibuka mu gihe yabyaraga, mu gihe nk’umuntu wari akibyara byari ibintu yumvaga yiteze cyane ku mugabo, kumuba hafi akamutetesha kurushaho nk’umugore wari umubereye nyina w’abana.
Mwiza avuga ko yujuje inshingano za nyina na se w’umwana kuko umugabo we atuzuzaga izimureba nka se w’abana bitari uko yari abuze ubushobozi bw’amafaranga ahubwo ari uko yari umugabo wagombaga kwibutswa inshingano z’urugo rwe.
“Narakoraga cyane ngo ndebe ko nakemura ibibazo byose by’urugo ndetse no kwishyura amafaranga y’amashuri y’abana. Byageze aho njye n’umugabo tubana nk’abanyamahanga nkumva nigunze nishwe n’irungu, ikintu cyambibyemo umujinya n’agahinda byanzamuwemo n’ibibazo.
Nyamara ariko umugabo wanjye yahoraga yinubira uburyo ngo nahindutse mu myitwarire ndetse ngo ntakinamwubaha. Nacitse intege numva nta nsa n’uhuhwa n’umuyaga ku buryo igihe cyageze tukabona neza ko icyiza kiruta ibindi ari ugufata inzira z’amaharakubiri umwe agaca ukwe undi ukwe,” ni amagambo ya Mwiza Valeria nk’uko yayabwiye ikinyamakuru New Times.
Mwiza n’umugabo batandukanye ku mugaragaro uyu mwaka kandi ni icyemezo imiryango yabo bombi bashyigikiye kuko aba bakunzi ba kera batari bagishobora kwihanganira kubana badatongana.
Ubundi kwigunga n’irungu mu rushako bisobanurwa bite?
Irungu cyangwa ubwigunge mu busanzwe ryasobanurwa nk’ibyiyumvo byo kwiyumva no kwibona nk’aho udashakwa uri mu kato, udakunzwe cyangwa kubura uwo muganira mwisanzuranyeho byaba umuntu aba wenyine cyangwa abana n’abandi.
Inzobere zivuga ko kumva uri wenyine unigunze bishobora kongerera umuntu ibyago byo gupfa imburagihe, mu gihe kumva udakunzwe nta we ukwegera usa n’aho uri mu kato na byo bishobora kongera ibyago byo kugira umuvuduko ukabije w’amaraso, kongera ibiro ugereranije n’uburebure bwawe, kongera ikigero cy’ibinure byo mu mubiri, agahinda gakabije, kugabanya ubudahangarwa bw’umubiri ndetse bikaba byanakurura ibitekerezo byo gushaka kwiyahura.
Nk’uko Mutuyimana Celestin, umuganga w’indwara zo mu mutwe ku ivuriro Baho-Ubudaheranwa rikorera i Gikondo abivuga, kwigunga biterwa cyangwa ni ikimenyetso cy’ibibazo byinshi umuntu umwe mu babiri (couple) bakundana cyangwa bashakanye yagize ntabibwire mugenzi we cyangwa undi wese, hakanabaho kutaganira cyangwa kuganira bitabyara umusaruro muzima hagati y’abafitanye umubano w’urukundo gabo gore.
Ibi kandi ni ikimenyetso ndetse bikaba byanaterwa no kuba abashakanye baganira iteka ariko ibiganiro bitagira icyo bigeraho cyumvikanweho, birangira buri wese muri bombi arakaye cyangwa hari uwumva atatezwe amatwi ndetse bikamukomeretsa umutima, kuba umwe yirengagiza cyangwa ntiyuzuze inshingano ze, no kuba bombi badahuza ibibashimisha n’ibibaraje ishinga.
Na none, ni igihe umwe bisa n’aho ahenda undi mu rukundo, urugero niba umwe ari we ushora ingufu ze n’amafaranga ngo ashimishe uwo bakundana kurusha uwo abikorera mu gihe byakabaye magirirane cyangwa se kuba umwe yiteze ku wundi ibyo atabona no kumva atengushwe mu mutima kuko ibyo yari amwitezeho cyangwa yumvaga akwiriye gukorerwa n’umukunzi atabibonye.
Icyakora, rimwe na rimwe, bishobora kuva ku burwayi bw’umubiri bwafashe umwe cyangwa ibibazo byo mu mutwe nk’agahinda gakabije kibasiye umwe mu bashakanye cyangwa se bigaterwa no gusaza.
Muganga Mutuyimana avuga ko kumva wigunze uri wenyine ari ikintu kibi ndetse kizamura kikanakabya ibyago byo gufatwa n’indwara, ikaba ari yo mpamvu agira inama abashakanye gufungurirana imitima nta buryarya bagategana amatwi maze bakabwirana akabari ku mitima bababwira uko biyumva.
“Umukunzi wawe ashobora kutamenya ngo atahure ko ufite ibyiyumvo byo kwigunga uretse gusa igihe wabimubwira,” ni ko Mutuyimana avuga.
Indi nama Mutuyimana ajya ni iyo atanga agira ati: “Jya ubaza umukunzi wawe uko akwiyumvamo, mbese uko agutera kwiyumva. Jya kandi ufata akanya wige ushakashake umenye amateka n’ahahise he. Unagenzure umenye neza aho uwawe afite ibikomere maze mufatire hamwe ingamba zo kubyomorana. Nimugirire hamwe imigambi yo kongera kwatsa no kwenyegeza ikibatsi cy’urukundo rwatumye mushakana cyangwa mu mubano w’urukundo gabo gore.”
Jane Mwangi, umutoza ubifitiye impamyabumenyi ya Maxwell, unazwi kandi nka ba bantu bavuga amagambo atera rubanda akanyabugabo (motivational speaker) akaba kandi inzobere mu kugenzura no gusesengura imyitwarire ya muntu (behavioural analysis consultant) avuga ko ubwigunge cyangwa irungu mu rushako kenshi riterwa n’aho umwe mu bashakanye yigira umugenzuzi wa byose akaba iteka ashaka ko ibintu byose bigenda uko abyumva kandi abishaka.
Usanga umwe mu bashakanye bagize urugo ari indyarya izi kwikuraho amakosa ugasanga iteka ayashinja uwo bubakanye mu gihe haba abandi usanga ubuzima bwa mugenzi we nta cyo bumubwiye, urugero nk’iyo uwo mugenzi we afata icyemezo gikomeye kireba ubuzima bwe ugasanga we yigize ntibindeba.
Mwangi asobanura ko kuba umuntu ahuga cyane akaba ‘too busy’ ku buryo atabasha kubonera mugenzi we igihe kugeza ku kigero cy’aho atagisigasira inkingi n’imbariro urugo rwabo rwubatseho ndetse atanagihaza cyangwa ngo agerageze uko ashoboye guhaza ibyifuzo bye byaba iby’umubiri n’amarangamutima ari ikintu gitera byanga bikunda umwe mu bashakanye ibyiyumvo byo kurambirwa urugo bubakanye.
Wabigenza ute ibi bikubayeho?
“Gushakirana no kugenerana umwanya, kwiyemeza gusanga ugatega amatwi uwo mwashakanye kandi ukamenya ibintu mwembi mwishima iyo mugikoranye,” ni inama Mwangi agira abashakanye.
Mwangi anajya inama yo yo gushaka uburyo bwo guterana ingabo mu bitugu no guhumurizanya igihe umwe afite ibimubabaje, urugero, kubwirana ukuri cyane cyane iyo mugenzi wawe akubabaje kandi ukiga kubabarira ntubike inzika cyangwa ngo uhore ucyurira uwo mwashakanye ikosa yagukoreye mbere.
Nk’uko Muhire Janvier, umuganga w’indwara zo mu mutwe kuri mHub Clinic abivuga, ubwigunge cyangwa irungu mu rushako rishobora guterwa n’impamvu nyinshi zitandukanye zishobora kubamo umuryango n’ibibazo by’urugo ubwarwo, akazi, no kujagarara k’ubwonko (stress) biva mu byo umuntu anyuramo buri munsi.
Nyamara ariko ngo gutinyana,kwigengesera bikabije ku mukunzi bivamo kutabwiranya ukuri gusesuye no kwitega ibidashoboka ku wo mwashakanye kenshi biva mu kumugereranya n’abandi na byo ngo ni ibintu bigabanya cyane ubwiyumvanemo hagati y’umugore n’umugabo.
Muganga Muhire anavuga ikindi kintu gikomeye gishobora kuba imbarutso y’ubwigunge n’irungu ryibasira umugore cyangwa umugabo mu rushako ari cyo kuba abantu barashakanye ariko bataba mu rugo rumwe bihoraho nk’uko ubundi byakagombye.
Ati: “Ababiri bashakanye nyamara batabana buri munsi kubera akazi no gushaka ubuzima cyangwa kubera indi mpamvu bashobora guterwa n’ubwigunge bitewe no kubura ubwiyumvanemo, kumva no gutekereza ko uwo bashakanye atabumva, kudakorana imibonano mpuzabitsina ihagije, kutaganira neza cyangwa se kutanaganira, ibibazo by’amafaranga, guhindura ubuzima n’ibindi bibazo bya buri munsi bijagaraza umutwe.”
Muhire kandi yongeraho ko kubura ubushake bw’umwe bwo gutegana amatwi no kugerageza kwishyira mu mwanya we ngo wumve mugenzi wawe ari wo muzi ukomeye w’irungu no kwigunga bibaho mu rushako.
Ibi ngo bigaragara iyo abashakanye bafite inshingano nyinshi basabwa kuzuza harimo nk’akazi, urugo, amashuri, kurera abana, gukora imirimo yo mu rugo n’izindi nshingano za buri munsi.
Iyo rero ngo abashakanye baguye mu mutego wa shuguri z’ubuzima bwa buri munsi zibabuza gushaka igihe kigambiriwe cyo kongera kwihuza no guhura ngo bamere nka kera bakirambagizanya aho bashakiranaga kandi bakabonerana umwanya wo guhura, gusohoka no kwishimana, urukundo rwabo ngo rubibabariramo, nk’uko Muhire abivuga.
Muhire avuga ko inshingano za kibyeyi zishobora kuba intambamyi y’iterambere ry’urugo n’urukundo rukenerwa mu rushako, by’umwihariko igihe abashakanye bananiwe gutandukanya inshingano z’ababyeyi n’iz’abashakanye, maze bagatwarwa gusa n’inshingano zabo zo kurera bakibagirwa cyangwa bakirengagiza umubano w’urukundo rwabo gabo gore.
Ati: “Inshingano yacu nk’ababyeyi ni ingenzi cyane, icyakora, abashakanye bakwiriye gufataniriza hamwe guhora benyegeza cya kibatsi cy’urukundo rwabo, kandi inkwi gisaba nta zindi uretse guhana igihe n’ingufu buri wese ashyiramo.”
Uyu muganga w’indwara zo mu mutwe avuga ko kuganira bombi bafunguriranye imitima kandi bagakora bagamije ineza ku mubano wabo ari ingenzi cyane. Ni urugero, ajya inama nk’iy’uko abashakanye bajya bafata akanya bagasohokana mu mpera z’icyumweru cyangwa bagasohokana nijoro, gukorana akagendo k’amaguru mu cyanya cy’inyamaswa cyangwa ahandi haba ibyiza nyaburanga hatishyurwa mu rwego rwo kwigobotora ibyiyumviro by’ubwigunge.
Muhire avuga ko ubwigunge n’irungu bishobora kugira ingaruka ku bitotsi by’umuntu aho abibura asinzira nabi cyangwa bikamutera siteresi no kugira ibitekerezo bibi bidakwiye, ikintu kitabura byanga bikunda kwangiza amagara yaba ayo mu mutwe ndetse n’ay’umubiri.
“Igihe wiyumvisemo akantu k’ubwigunge , ugirwa inama yo gushaka bwangu akantu wakora kazwiho gusigasira amagara nko gukora umwitozo ngororamubiri ukora siporo iyo ari yo yose washobora icyo gihe,” ni ko Muhire akugira inama.
Ibimenyetso by’ubwigunge n’irungu
Ubwigunge cyangwa irungu ni imimerere yo mu marangamutima no mu mutwe yo kumva ubayeho nk’uwahawe akato nta we wisanzuyeho kandi nta we ushaka ko amenya ibikubabaje.
Bimwe mu bimenyetso mpuruza bibamo kwiyumva udashoboye kuba uwo uri we uri kumwe n’umukunzi wawe [ha handi udashobora kwirekura ngo ukore ikigushimishije utamutinya], kumva utisanzuye ngo wiyumvemo umukunzi wawe bisesuye kandi ugatinya kumubwira uko wiyumva n’ibyo ukunda.
Iyi mimerere ishobora guterwa n’ibintu bitandukanye harimo agahinda gakabije (depression), umubabaro, umuhangayiko no kujagarara k’ubwonko, ni ko Muhire avuga.
“Kunanirwa kwegera inshuti, kwiyumva nk’aho abantu batagushaka cyangwa bataguha agaciro ndetse batakwemera no kudashobora guhura ngo usabane n’abandi ku rwego wari usanzweho cyangwa rukwiriye ni ibimenyetso udakwiye kwirengagiza cyangwa ngo ufate nk’ibyoroshye,” ni ko Muhire avuga.
“Gutekereza cyane n’ibyiyumvo bikabije byo kwigunga, kwiyumva nk’uri mu kato hatitawe ku hantu uri cyangwa abo muri kumwe, urugero n’igihe uri kumwe n’abantu cyangwa mu birori, ukumva usa n’aho uri wenyine. Rimwe na rimwe biva ku byiyumvo bibi byo kwisuzugura, kwishidikanyaho no kwigirira icyizere gike.”
